Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
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