you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize
