I think my vagina is haunted
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
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