she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
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