Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
Randomize