i was born a porn star she said
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
he's gonorrhea incarnate
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
