I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
I met the friendliest cop last night
I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
Your cock deserves a montage
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
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