Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
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