He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
Randomize
