Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
