I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
you made out with another girl for some wings
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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