he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
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