woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
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