dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
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