my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
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