Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
Randomize
