does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
