i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
Randomize