I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
Randomize
