I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
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