hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
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