I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize
