you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
Randomize
