i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
3 2 1 whiskey
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
Randomize
