If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
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