I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
Randomize
