Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
Randomize
