Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
Randomize
