So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
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