I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
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