Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
