Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
Randomize
