I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
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