If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
Randomize
