The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
I find it funny that "sexual harassment" contains the phrase "ass sex". Let me know what your thoughts are on the matter.
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
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