i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize
