my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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