i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
