she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
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