I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
Randomize
