Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
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