I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
Randomize
