the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
