If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
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