Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
Banned from zoo.
Again?
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Randomize
