I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
So vagazzling was a success
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
Randomize
