I understand Curling. That high.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Randomize
