i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
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