That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
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