Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
Randomize
