This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
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