He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
Randomize
