Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
I just forgot I was standing up.
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
Randomize
