He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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