guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
