I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
Randomize
