i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
Randomize
