Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Randomize
