i don't plan on having that self control this summer
I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
Randomize
