Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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