There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
Let's paint friendship bongs
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
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