I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
Randomize
