just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
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