I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
NoShamevember. You game?
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Randomize
