I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
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