the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
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