I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
