help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
did i just pee glitter
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
Randomize
