Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
Drunk is a universal language darling
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
Randomize
