Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
