You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
My nipple is on Facebook.
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
