my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
Randomize
