do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
Randomize
