Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
My nipple is on Facebook.
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
Randomize
