Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
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