she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
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