I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
Randomize
