I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
Randomize
