i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
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