I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
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