she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
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