So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
You left your underwear on the fireplace
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
Randomize
