considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
