I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
Randomize
