TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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