I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Randomize
