I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Randomize
