Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
