I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
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