At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
Randomize
