I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
Randomize
