There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
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