I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
