I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
Randomize
