I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
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