Capitaan dildo arrescate!
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
Randomize